Do You Really Want to Know My Pronouns?

Asking for your pronouns can trigger unexpected reactions like those of Leon Kowalski when asked about his mother amidst a Voight-Kampff Test.

Asking for and being told your pronouns unprompted should trigger a Code Red alert in anyone’s amygdala – though Leon was a bit excessive, don’t you think?

For a few months in a woke place long, long ago, far, far away, I had the misfortune of reporting into a very troubled soul. Thankfully, it was only for a short period of time. Seriously troubled, in over his head, and barely self-aware though enough to signal his internal distress like infected cells do with all those antibody-attracting lipoproteins tethered to their surface. Wired tight.

A well-intentioned lightweight who insisted everyone know his pronouns, he/him/his/his/himself spent much of his/etc./etc. day conjuring up ever-more new “TPS-reports” for his/etc./etc. crew to create. Given the even lighter intellectual capacity of his/etc./etc. own sycophant boss, well, maybe all those silly report ideas weren’t really his/etc./etc. anyway.

Actually I did feel empathy for him/etc./etc. – as I said, “wired tight.”

But it was hard to “collaborate” with all those lipoproteins hanging all over him/etc./etc. like irish pennants.

It was a mind-numbing waste of time and money on reflection.

The long-ago woke experience was more extended than the (thankfully-brief) waterboard exposure session I underwent in officer training. Yet, it triggered similar physiological reactions – the sense of water overpowering your gag reflex.

Uncomfortable as that training was, the pre-commissioning abuse was very helpful to me at sea, and throughout my professional career that followed. A couple of business startups. Running a company for a couple of decades pitching and delivering with “barbarians at the gate”.

You need to be focused every day. So, your “sensor array” could use a high “signal-noise” ratio.

A little PTSD can be very helpful in anticipating and responding to impending waterboarding in various forms. I learned to quickly recognize that familiar physiological reaction just before your gag reflex is overpowered. Early threat detection means you can more quickly find a way to the surface before the water gets to your lungs.

Trust your gag reflex – it’s a reliable signal. Don’t wait for the water to reach your lungs – that’s far worse.

But, as I often do, I digress.

Before running my trading slate this morning, I ran across this item from DuffelBlog:

Seemed pretty much on point to that gag reflex thing. And the absurdity of this passing corporate woke fad.

Remember kids – “Get woke, go broke.” It’s inevitable. You can bet on that – I know I have and successfully.

BTW, “ya’ll” do realize that the rest of the world is laughing at us and our suicidal woke impulses – all the way to the bank?

Or all the way to fire control lock-on in the target tracking phase.

Gender reveal mine announces Navy’s next ship will be a dud

By Bull Winkle

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Navy’s newest ship may not have the impact on maritime security that senior leaders intended, according to a new gender reveal mine developed by the Naval Weapons Research Laboratory (NRL).

“The thing was just supposed to coat the side of the ship with tinted talcum powder,” said lab spokesman Lt. Cmdr. Frederick Foss at the recent launch of the USS Thomas B. Modly (LCS-32). “Instead, the mine just flashed ‘inert’ for several seconds and drifted back to its holding area. This is more disappointing than last year’s Army-Navy game.”

Foss told reporters that he fears the Modly, an Independence-class Littoral Combat Ship (LCS) and the Navy’s most advanced technology, may experience all the success of the famous Swedish warship, Vasa.

Sources say a new Navy awareness program to bring Navy culture into the 21st century led to the revealing prophecy.

“Launching a ship with a bottle of champagne and calling it a ‘she’ is a relic of the past,” Foss told reporters. Today’s Navy appreciates gender complexities as part of its more modern approach. “When people think ‘woke,’ they should think U.S. Navy,” he said.

To support the new outlook, NRL designed the Mark 86-PS (Pronoun Sensing) sea mine. The mine contacts with the ship during launch ceremonies and uses artificial intelligence to sense how the ship identifies. Then the mine announces genders with colored powder, smoke, and printed messages.

“It’s like a big Magic 8 Ball, but with colorful pyrotechnics,” Foss said.

During the Modly launch, the mine turned a blue color as programmed, but unexpectedly displayed the printed message “INERT.” Inert is common military parlance for “dud,” “lifeless,” or “flag officer.”

“That’s not in its design,” Foss said, “apparently the ship and the Mark 86-PS are more perceptive and collaborative than we imagined.”

“The Navy is outrageously inserting gender into military rituals, where it doesn’t belong,” said Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.), when reached for comment. Inhofe said that instead of gender reveals, the Navy or “somebody responsible” should focus on the ship’s high cost, complex “Frankenstein-ish” design, unreliable propulsion system, and meager combat power. “Stick with tradition!” said the senator, who is the ranking member of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

Reports that the USS Thomas B. Modly’s commander and command master chief are attending positive affirmation therapy are unconfirmed.

Within hours of the Navy’s announcement, the Air Force abruptly canceled fielding its “Gender Finder” (GF) Mark 81 Joint Direct Attack Munition (JDAM) aerial mine designed for the F-35.

An Air Force spokesperson called the cancellation “totally unrelated” to the Navy and declared unconditional love for the F-35.

Whiskey Fueled Tirade contributed to this article.

“The Bobs” (note the medic alert braces they both wear)

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