Yeah, you, I’m talking to you! Get over here!
Nice business you got here.
Would be a real shame if *something* happened to it.
Or you find your career prematurely “terminated.”
At BLK, we are an integrated team of quants, analysts, lawyers, cloud-based technologists, social media flacks, and hacks – well connected, if you know what I mean.
For a fee, BLK and our business partners can game your ESG rating to minimize the adverse effects of anticompetitive and unlawful conduct under the Sherman Act by one and several entities and financial institutions acting loosely and in concert (hereinafter, the “BLK ESG Trust” or simply “ESG Trust), under non-competitive, secret, and illegal agreement including enterprise racketeering as defined by the RICO Act (18 U.S.C. §§ 1961–1968), seeking to unlawfully disrupt market equilibrium to gain an unfair market advantage, conspiracy or combination to monopolize, manipulate stock and bond prices, and extort higher fees.
Now, wouldn’t you rather have BLK on your side?
Would be a real shame to see you and your business’s reputations forever smeared, libeled, and slandered resulting in a hostile take-over, endless state and civil lawfare, greenmail, NGOs, and activist mobs protected by Progressive prosecutors we installed.
If you do retain our services, one of our social media/customer success hacks named Tait or Muffy with a real journalism degree from Columbia will thank you on behalf of the planet and work with you to spruce up your ESG “credentials.”
After your check clears, of course.
And get the pronouns right – we wouldn’t want you to mess up those pronouns. That kind of hate wouldn’t be inclusive.
Importantly, your thoroughly woke board members will award you an “extra special bonus” for your passionate commitment to social justice and the planet’s survival.
Plus save us from the inconvenience of scheduling remedial woke indoctrination and re-education at one of our “training facilities.” Or worse.
Remember, this isn’t about money – it’s about morality and inclusivity.
I think it might a smart idea that you do the moral thing here, for your own good, of course.
Hate to see something unfortunate happen.
Call us right now. Operators are standing by in our offshore call centers 24×7.
So is Vinny Gumbazi waiting right outside.